I'm over it.
I'm such a stubborn little girl.
I want to hold onto my nuances even if they are detrimental to myself. I want to push the limits when I know there's a chance that it could push me over the edge. I want to destroy myself, even as I'm striving to become a person of value.
And maybe I speak these things into my life too frequently.
Being a "person of value"
living a "life that matters"
maybe it's about damn time for me to throw some of this out the window, in hopes that like a frisbee effect it will actually come to be.
Maybe I just need to ease up on some of the pressure that I'm constantly putting on myself.
Maybe I need to look in the mirror instead of looking at the people all around me to gage my decisions and approve or disapprove.
I don't have to follow a formula for life. I hate that. I've never wanted a cookie cutter life. I've never wanted it to be predictable or perfect. And I've welcomed challenges. I've welcomed hard times if it means a chance for me to grow, a chance for me to become better.
But I can never become better if I'm just sitting here wishing to not BE anymore. Wishing for the hard times to go away. wishing I didn't feel pain. Didn't feel loneliness. I have to let these things be. I have to be okay with life being slow sometimes. With not knowing sometimes. With being a little unclear.
God always manages to place some amazing people at my life in exactly the right times.
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