something.

I scratch at the surface of everything

trying to dig my way to something

somewhere

that makes any sense

I want to believe that my life has purpose

that these tears will dry and 

not show for a while

that this fear

this overwhelming

powerful fear

will go into hiding for a time

I want to smile and believe 

that there is power in it

laugh and believe

that joy is spilling from me

maybe leaking onto someone else

who needs it

I believe in life

I believe in me

I believe in you

I believe in love

but belief doesn't make this torment go away

doesn't make this desperation quiet

So I will let it pass

I will fight my way through it

I will continue to believe

that there is hope 

and goodness

and meaning

I will not let myself become bitter

hardened

I will not cover my feelings

and run away from them until

I'm not even sure the truth

of what I'm feeling or who

I am.

I will face it all and I will become stronger

and wiser

and able to love more

beautifully.

These things I have faith in.