Something More.

I rush to greet new experience with shaky hands and words that tumble out so fast they are barely coherent (my zeal gives me away. Gives away the passion and energy that is so often unfocused, but always there. Always reaching and reaching for more ways to connect to learn to grow to understand. Sometimes this passion gets misdirected, misconstrued, lost, and finds me overwhelmed and paralyzed. But it is there and always growing.)

I shiver and shake to explore any aspect of life that I've yet to know.

and sometimes the choices we make, the experiences we meet, result in exquisite pain. yet that doesn't make me believe that I should regret any life event I've had, any new moment that I'm blessed to live through.

I may have moments where the weight of terror seems too much to bare, where the sound of doom gets louder and louder, but I survive. I always survive. 

Infinite being, you, who is too great to conceptualize, beat this fear and paralysis to nothingness.

I want to face myself and others with pure honesty, with integrity.

I do not live by the law of apathy. 

This is why I fight.

This is why I struggle.

Oh peace, so brilliant, so bright, come greet me for a few moments, I implore.

I will not hate myself for being in the desert. I will not fault myself for crawling, dusty and blinded, because I know I am pulling myself toward higher knowledge. If knowledge of nothing else but myself.

I drag myself toward wisdom.

I will not dwell on the desolation I see and feel, but dwell on the hope that these times will pass. They always pass. 

I am grateful for each moment of my life that I've lived thus far, and I am so grateful for each new moment that is sure to come.