Life.

It's a beautiful sunday.

I dropped Anna off at work this morning and caught myself mesmerized several times by my burning cigarette.

The smoke was dancing in a way I've never seen it before. It was twirling off the ash and waving into the wind. 

I inhaled and the wave continued down into my lungs and stomach, and my heart pounded against my ribcage like the white foam crashing down on the shore.

This cough won't go away, and I know I shouldn't be smoking. It's only getting worse. I'm hacking my lungs out all day long. 

I just want to read lately. Read everything. I want to devour new information. I want to go to barnes and noble for hours and walk out with words and ideas and stories flashing through my brain. It's not that I'm stagnant lately, it's the exact opposite. My experiences are piling and growing and lifting me into places I've never been before. Peace, calm, fun. 

The fun doesn't seem to stop. Always fun. Always laughing and adventuring. There are so many things I want to see. I'm constantly chasing this bouncy ball from one fun room to another.

Game box. Inside the toy box, inside the game.

I can't shut my gaping mouth. 

jeepers creepers.

Anna and I drove by a pet cemetery yesterday. Other than the movie, I've never actually seen one before.

It kind of creeped me out on the idea of owning pets.

The thought of buying a piece of land and a gravestone for a cat, dog, goldfish, bunny, iguana, hampster, snake, or any other non-human companion seems a tiny bit weird and creepy. 

And on the other hand, the thought of loving a loyal pet for years and years and then simply throwing it at a veterinarian to dispose of seems homicidal and heartless.

So now the idea of owning a pet at all just gives me the creeps. I don't think I can do it, ever. 

Yeah, think about it. We want something to love at all times, something to cuddle with and kiss and talk to and it never has to talk back. They look at you like you're a crazy lady whenever you talk to them or try to get their attention. Yeah, sometimes they're nice to have around, and can sense your emotions, and all that yadda yadda..but I'm not convinced that owning pets isn't a bit narcissistic and controlling. 

And a huge hassle, on top of that.

Not that I'm an animal hater. I love animals. But I love them in their natural environment. I like them in the wild. I like when they can hunt and play and don't have to eat canned fish and poop in a box.

lady brilliance.

Helter sKelter.

sweet, sweet life.

I think it's important for me to take a second to acknowledge how amazing my life is.

It's not perfect, but it's so close.

I wake up every morning praising God that it's another beautiful day...taking turns making coffee and breakfast, and having serious dance parties while getting ready for the day.

This morning Anna made amazing breakfast burritos, and we put on some funk music and danced.

Now I'm working out again with wine bottles and across the universe.

<3333

uhm.?

I'm simultaneously smoking

chatting online

and working out.

I'm not sure how my life works.

reflections

it's good to feel beautiful

when you're alone

when you're not sitting

in front of a mirror

because then you know that

you're just seeing

and feeling

what's inside

and it's good.